Tuesday, September 18, 2012

On Making Friends

I suppose the "making friends" aspect of college is less intimidating if you're going to a school with people you know from high school. I didn't have this benefit, and I'm quite shy, so the concept of "making friends" with random people honestly scared me. The last few days have shown me why this is slightly ridiculous, and reinforced some basic truths about How to Make Friends when you're tossed onto a new campus with new people.

1. Be yourself. This is so cheesy, but it's so effective... One of the people I've made friends with this week came up and talked to me after she saw my computer background (one of the Equalist posters from the Legend of Korra), and we proceeded to spend the afternoon in my dorm, trading fandoms and series that we thought the other should watch/read. Another person I've been growing closer to mentioned My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic within my earshot, I piped into the conversation, and we're now friends.

This tactic works best if you're a geek of some sort. Being fans of the same TV shows, manga, movies, webcomics, something like that - it provides a source of conversation so you don't endlessly cycle around to "so how were your classes today?" It also takes a little bit of pressure off, because your fellow first-years will usually be feeling the same sense of awkwardness regarding small talk.

2. Go to things that interest you. This afternoon, the college hosted a lecture by Peter Kornicki, who is head of East Asian Studies at Cambridge University (yeah, that Cambridge) about 17th and 18th century Japanese books. It was brilliant, and going to that gave me an opportunity to meet other students who are willing to give up their Tuesday afternoons to listen to someone talking about woodblock-cut printing. That sort of thing also provides conversation topics! If you're interested in something (politics, random academic topics, astronomy, LGBTQ rights...) your college will likely have a student group for it. If they don't, you can start one - advertise on notice boards, any online classifieds your school runs, the newspaper (if they have a section for things like this).

3. Leave your dorm door open. Our door is heavy and swings forward with the teensiest breeze ever, so the first thing we bought was a doorstop. Especially if you're living in a first-year dorm, people will just sort of wave at you as they pass, and some of the more adventurous ones will stop and talk.

4. Ask questions. Yesterday, before my economics class, I mentioned as an aside that I had done IB in high school. The girl in front of me whipped around, asked me for my EE topic, and we had a ten-minute conversation on the merits and drawbacks of IB in our respective home countries. If she hadn't asked me what my EE was, I doubt I would have talked to her.

Even if you're painfully shy, ask the person sitting near you where they're from, what dorm they're living in, why they're taking that class... No one will get irritated at you for talking to them.



What this sums up to is the simple fact that it's pretty difficult to NOT make friends during college. In the first few days, during orientation, there will be people who seem to just click into a large group that eats together, sits together during orientation events, and goes partying together. If you're not into that scene, wait until after your classes have started to worry about Not Having Friends. Theoretically, you're in at least one class that interests you - use that as a starting point for friendships. 

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